A Quarter of A Century

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Today is my 25th birthday. I was not, as per my birthday wish, woken up by song birds while woodland creatures dressed me and tied my hair in adorable ribbon bows. I did spend the night, however, watching/re-enacting National Treasure … Continue reading

Why Excel is Better than a Boyfriend


I believe that excel spreadsheets are useful in almost any situation . I make a new one at work almost every day and I’m not even in the data analysis biz. Even in my personal life, Excel has always been … Continue reading

You’re Awesome! So What’s Wrong with You?


Recently, I learned that at least part of my friend’s parents’ Christmas dinner discussion revolved around my lack of a boyfriend. I was not at this Christmas dinner. In fact, I have not seen said friend’s parents in probably two … Continue reading

A New Year, A New Absolutely Nothing

liz lemon

Another year has passed and, though I’ve experienced a number of quite significant changes in the previous twelve months, nothing, really, has changed. I could sit here and list all the things I accomplished in 2013, like starting on an … Continue reading

What I Mean When I Say “I’m Depressed”

And this playground was completely abandoned afterward. That's a real tragedy.

I am depressed. I don’t mean that I’m sad or that I’m feeling a bit down lately. But I also don’t mean I’m going to kill myself. I mean that I am depressed. It is a part of me, it … Continue reading

How Being Adorable Can Get You Everywhere


New York City courthouses are notoriously bleak, soul-crushing dens of disorganized bureaucracy that–I believe–exist to fuel the universal despair that is necessary to keep a society dysfunctional. Imagine the DMV, but with more windows and less efficiency. Occasionally, I need … Continue reading

Accidental Stalker

Go stand next to a horse, Dr. Know-it-all

A little over two years ago, I got into a moderately drunken argument about argyle sweaters with Captain America. Fine, it wasn’t really Captain America, or even a guy dressed like Captain America. It was a friend of a friend who … Continue reading

Dinosaur Dreams


Sometimes, a lot of stressful things happen in your life at once. Then one kind of stressful thing happens and you’re caught up in so many emotions that it seems like the worst thing that could have ever happened to … Continue reading

Stapling, and Other Things I Would Rather Do Than Online Date

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 through 9 not being choices, how sexy is this picture?

Despite having an online dating profile on the Internet, I am not currently a member of any dating website. I tried online dating (kind of) and I know that it isn’t for me. It’s not the “stigma,” which isn’t really … Continue reading