My Sister and I Don’t Even Like Pigs (Anniversary Post)

It was the early 90s. That's an excuse, right?

In honor of my 2nd WordPress Anniversary this week, I thought I would re-post my first ever Freshly Pressed post, just as it appeared in August 2012: I was digging through my box of earrings this morning, thinking–as I do … Continue reading

Darth Vader was My High School Speech and Debate Mascot (Part 2)

Me, on an actual speech and debate meet in 2007.

Find Part I of this post here. Our team of honey badgers entered every school with the swagger of the Imperial Army. We would march past the cafeteria, where the other teams congregated, into whatever alcove, recess, or nook of … Continue reading

A Quarter of A Century

photo (1)

Today is my 25th birthday. I was not, as per my birthday wish, woken up by song birds while woodland creatures dressed me and tied my hair in adorable ribbon bows. I did spend the night, however, watching/re-enacting National Treasure … Continue reading

Why Excel is Better than a Boyfriend


I believe that excel spreadsheets are useful in almost any situation . I make a new one at work almost every day and I’m not even in the data analysis biz. Even in my personal life, Excel has always been … Continue reading

You’re Awesome! So What’s Wrong with You?


Recently, I learned that at least part of my friend’s parents’ Christmas dinner discussion revolved around my lack of a boyfriend. I was not at this Christmas dinner. In fact, I have not seen said friend’s parents in probably two … Continue reading

A New Year, A New Absolutely Nothing

liz lemon

Another year has passed and, though I’ve experienced a number of quite significant changes in the previous twelve months, nothing, really, has changed. I could sit here and list all the things I accomplished in 2013, like starting on an … Continue reading

What I Mean When I Say “I’m Depressed”

And this playground was completely abandoned afterward. That's a real tragedy.

I am depressed. I don’t mean that I’m sad or that I’m feeling a bit down lately. But I also don’t mean I’m going to kill myself. I mean that I am depressed. It is a part of me, it … Continue reading

How Being Adorable Can Get You Everywhere


New York City courthouses are notoriously bleak, soul-crushing dens of disorganized bureaucracy that–I believe–exist to fuel the universal despair that is necessary to keep a society dysfunctional. Imagine the DMV, but with more windows and less efficiency. Occasionally, I need … Continue reading

Accidental Stalker

Go stand next to a horse, Dr. Know-it-all

A little over two years ago, I got into a moderately drunken argument about argyle sweaters with Captain America. Fine, it wasn’t really Captain America, or even a guy dressed like Captain America. It was a friend of a friend who … Continue reading